Grateful

Since I’ve recovered from being sick, I feel like the last few weeks have been a bit strange.  And this is my last week being here before I head home for a few weeks for the Christmas Holidays, so it may just get “stranger”.  The more “normal” things that have occurred In the past 2 weeks are that I’ve had 5 of the girls at Pasitos de Jesus Orphanage spend the weekend where I live, my first library shelves have been delivered and put up at Emanuel House, I have hosted several GAP girls, I celebrated my first Thanksgiving here in D.R, held 2 Saturday Kids’ Clubs, visited & eaten dinner at Josiah’s House (a boys orphanage that I’ll be working more with), traveled to the capital a few times, and started collecting cards for sponsors of children that I work with.

I guess these past few weeks have seemed weird because they’ve been full of processing and I’ve felt distant somehow from the daily things that I was “doing” on a regular basis. And, I’ve spent more time than any other time before at SCORE complex where many missionaries live, with Americans, and just back and forth between two very different cultures.  Thus, over the past 2 weeks, I have been overly conscientious of the comforts that I do and don’t have, the differences in resources and opportunities that I have had growing up verses those of the kids and adults around me in Quisqueya, the ability to live so close to a culture and still be blind to their true situations, and the hard question of where do I fall into all of this.

Unfortunately, I think a lot of that processing has been in my head or to a friend and not so much in prayer. I was reminded tonight the importance of prayer.  I had the opportunity to be a part of a “prayer walk” where stations were set up and we prayed for the persecuted church, the people we know who are unsaved, and SCORE missionaries and ministries. We also had the opportunity to thank the Lord for what He has done and for who He is, reflect on various Psalms, and write down prayer requests of our own.  My biggest prayer request is that I would be in His Word more and that I would come closer to Him so that my actions, speech and love towards others would reflect Him and His will.  I know that He has a purpose.  I just need to listen.  

I pray over the next month as I travel home as well.  In many ways I am excited to go home. I am excited for the cooler weather (even in Florida), for the chance to see family and friends, for some of the comforts that I miss from the states, to go back to church for a few Sundays and to re-stock on some of the things that I need.  I am nervous about going to the states for the first time in 5 months.  I am nervous about liking it too much and not wanting to come back or about judging the extravagance of the states life.  I am nervous about other’s reactions about how I’ve spent the last 5 months.  And, I am nervous about the impending culture shock and differences between my new life and the one that I am about to return to. 

Tonight’s activity of going on a prayer walk through the prayer stations truly reminded me that I need to be in prayer more.  I ask that this week and over the next few weeks while I am at home, that you would pray for me and my time there.  Pray that God will take focus away from me during my time at home.  I know that everyone will have questions and want to hear about these past few months.  Pray for specific questions from my friends and family and that I have the right words when describing what God is doing here.  Pray that I am able to love others well, share about God more than I share about myself, and show His love through my actions and my words.  Pray that somehow He uses me to bring others to Him.

Please pray that the time that I spend at home would also be a time of reflection for what’s to come.  Pray that it helps me to focus on Him and why He has me here.  I never really thought that going to the states could be a time to get away from distractions, but I think being away from ministry could help make it more clear as to what He wants to do with me.  Pray that He would open my eyes, give me lots of moments for quiet time and use the time to refresh my soul.

Sometimes, as I’ve written before, I get so bogged down in what I am “doing” that I don’t see the process or what God has done along the way.  I forget to concentrate on who God is and sit in that.  Spending time in prayer tonight reminded me to rest in what He has done.  Last week in a Bible Study that we are doing, we talked about Deuteronomy and how the Israelites throughout Deuteronomy were constantly forgetting what God had done.  They can only focus on their current circumstances.  And because of that, they were often distracted and discontent -- even to the point of worshiping idols.  

I want more than nothing else to remember.  Forgetting is not an option!

The truth is that God, the ONE TRUE GOD, has brought me such a long way. HE SHED HIS BLOOD for me even though His blood was innocent blood.  HE SAVED ME at the age of 6.  HE HAS LOVED ME even though I have done nothing to deserve it.  HE CONVICTED ME at the age of 28 of not living in His will and following Him in all that I do.  HE BROUGHT ME to the Dominican Republic to be his hands and feet and share the gospel to people who don’t get it, to share the gifts that He has given me, and to love those who need to be loved.  HE HAS SHOWN HIS ABUNDANCE in providing for me and taking care of all of the details before I left the states and once I arrived here and in surrounding me with a community of believers to do life with here.  HE HAS TAUGHT ME that I need Him more than I need anyone else, and HE HAS GROWN ME in my love for and faith in Him.  HE HAS HELPED ME to adjust to a completely new life with people whom I didn’t know a year ago.  HE SURROUNDS ME WITH TRUTH each and every day. 

I cannot imagine what my life would be like not knowing the Lord.  I cannot imagine how I would feel not to have a secure hope in my eternal life nor in my future here on Earth.  And for that hope and for that security, I am eternally grateful for anyone who has impacted my walk with the Lord.  I praise Him for what He has done in my life over the last 5 months.  It has not been easy, but I have enjoyed every step of the way. 

May the one true God continue to remind me of what He has done in saving me.  May He continue to convict me when I am wrong, love me in spite of my mistakes, and show me his abundance.  May He continue to teach me, grow me, and break me.  May I always be surrounded by His truth.    Mostly, may I continue to be reminded that it is He that does the work, not me.

In His Name!