The Lord God is my strength, and he will make my feet like hinds’ feet,
and He will make me to walk upon mine high places.
Habakkuk 3:19
SUMMER.
It was refreshing. I spent a month in the States, visiting churches, traveling the east coast, and spending time with friends and family.
BEFORE SCHOOL STARTED.
I was able to ease back into the country a little slower than usual. I spent a week with my Dominican family, and once back in Montellano, got to spend some quality time with friends catching up, eating and just spending time. During pre-planning the Family Empowerment team did some team building, lots of planning and praying, and helped with school registration. I also gave several workshops to teachers during that time. Right before school started, I also got to participate in a local church camp for youth with the theme “Don’t waste your life” and gave a workshop there on managing time.
THE FIRST TWO WEEKS.
School started about 2 weeks ago and we are now in full gear. The Family Empowerment Team has moved into our office, completed our first parent meetings of the year, and we are looking ahead to literacy classes starting up again later this month, visiting families in their homes regularly, and beginning a new counseling program.
FAMILY EMPOWERMENT TEAM 2018-2019
MY LIFE THESE DAYS.
I wake up and make a cup of coffee using the once unfamiliar greca. I remember about 5 years ago when I didn’t know how to use one. Trying several times, the coffee just wouldn’t rise. And I remember giving in and buying an electric one — which was problematic if we didn’t have electricity. And now, without thinking, I fill the bottom up with water to just the right spot, add the coffee, and wait for the certain grumbling that tells me it’s ready. The once unfamiliar is now comfortable.
I drive onto the school’s campus. A new big building is on my left. On my right is where our Family Empowerment office is. I glance at the dilapidated “casita” or little house that will be my home this year.
I get out and instead of walking to the Family Empowerment office, I walk around to the old school building which is still being used and the place where 3 years ago, I hesitantly entered, forcing myself to do the traditional greeting to those around me — kissing on the cheek and saying "God bless you.” The once uncomfortable act is now familiar, comfortable and unforced. Both teachers and kids now know me well enough to give me a good hug, wave from afar, call out "Adriana," or put their tiny hands over my eyes as I guess who it could possibly be.
I don’t walk up the stairs to my office next to the library. My “place” isn’t at the school with the kids. My new place is the small building that I saw on the right when I drove in. After greeting the people I see and saying “hey” to my kitchen friends, Oldicia and Monica, I take the trek back to the little yellow house which is now my home.
Whereas I used to share responsibilities — school sometimes and Family Empowerment sometimes, this year, I am serving full time in Family Empowerment, while giving the occasional workshop to teachers. While ministry means time in communities, helping women learn how to read and write, evangelizing, and helping believers grow in their faith, this year it also means helping organizing, creating sustainable programming, and communicating with everyone who is a part of our team - in the U.S. and here. I definitely have a full plate and am still getting used to my responsibilities and how to juggle it all.
I recently read about Gideon when God chose him to fight for Israel. I read about how he felt before going into battle. His doubting… His constant questioning... “But God, show me one more time that you are with me,” Gideon pleads. I read about how he placed his confidence completely in God even though he must have been nervous, he clearly doubted his own abilities, and at first he even was unsure that it was actually God who was sending him. Yet, God worked through Him and with what seemed impossible. The Lord reassured him, “I am with you.” “Do not fear.” “Do not I send you?” (Judges 6)
I feel like how I imagine Gideon must have felt, and yet I know that God says to me too...
I am with you.
Do not fear.
Did I not send you?
I carefully walk to our little house, passing some construction wood that still has to be cleared. I pause and stare at the warn down house, and wonder how we can make it prettier. Then, I step in and greet Andrea, my close friend and ministry partner. The inside is freshly painted and divided into an office/ waiting room, a conference and meeting space, and the classroom for the Adult Education classes. It’s a project that will take time to fully furnish and decorate, but God has been so good… providing us with a space of our own until our longer-term office is ready. I stare at the simple space, and then think about what God may be up to.
I remember Much-Afraid, a character in an allegory I’m reading. She had a new relationship with the Shepherd and was being led to the High Places. She had been reassured by Him that while she may not always see him, she could always call for help and He would be by her side at once. And yet, pain and suffering had her going into an unfamiliar place. She didn’t know how long she would be there and she was hesitant and afraid. And yet, she listened to the Shepherd’s voice, and entered in with Him. She released understanding and comfort to Him and chose acceptance and joy.
You are not alone.
I am here with you.
Enter in with me with joy.
This little building, as warn down as it may seem from the outside… is one of God’s High Places, I know. Our team has plans for counseling on marriage, parenting, sexuality, and money management. And in the new classroom, we hope to begin some classes to give practical skills to those who want to know how to read or learn to create things with their hands. And we are trying to create a comfortable space where families will continue to feel welcomed to come in and visit. Lots of planning and praying and sharing and crying and rejoicing is going to happen inside this small space. I am sure of it. And while I can’t see just how, I know God is up to something good.
In the midst of this transition from working closely with kids to working with families, and from working at the school to working with Family Empowerment, and from working in my old office to moving to the worn down casita, I find myself in a time of fearfulness, self-doubt, and questioning. I can see Him working so clearly, and yet I'm hesitant, unable to see His clear plan, and wondering if I can do this. I need His reassurance. I feel as I have many times in this country: weak, unable and overwhelmed. And I recognize even as I feel it that God is strong, able, and my peace. While I feel quite heavy with the tasks ahead, He comes near. The Lord’s voice to Gideon, “I am with you.” “Do not fear.” “Do not I send you?” And, the reassuring voice of the Shepherd, “You will not see me all the time, Much-Afraid… but whenever you call for help I promise to come to you at once.”
And then, I remember the words that Lauren Daigle sang in my kitchen earlier that morning:
You say I am strong when I think I am weak…
You say I am held when I am falling short…
When I don’t belong, you say I am yours…
And I feel a bit calmer. I exhale. And I pray. I try to release it… the weight. It’s not mine to carry. You’ve got this, God.
Oh how good you are. How patient you are.
There is no one in the whole world as good and kind as you.
I will go with you to the mountains.
I will trust you to make my feet like hinds’ feet,
and to set me, even me, upon the High Places.
-Much-Afraid,
Hinds’ Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard
