While I have been a Christian for what seems like most of my life, I believe that my faith has remained pretty childlike until the last few years. Obviously, as a 6-year-old child, I was not able to understand who God is quite like I do as an adult. I knew and understood that He died for my sins. I believed that if I asked Him for forgiveness, I would be saved, and I knew that one day He would come back for me. But, it wasn’t until the last two or three years that I have seen my faith really take off.
My understanding of who Christ is has sharpened and what He wants for my life has become so much clearer. Honestly, to truly follow His will is hard. It’s hard to let go of comfort and what I know and follow Him. But, I know that He will protect me. I know that He is abundant. The true question is do I believe in those things.
I pray to God often to open my eyes to His will. I want to step in His will always. And, while I, of course, am imperfect with this, I am constantly looking to Him for guidance, strength and discernment. It is in this way that I see my faith changing. In the past, I believed with my head and with my heart, but not necessarily with my actions. While I have been involved in church all of my life, I have not always considered pleasing God in everything that I do. Instead, I tried to please those around me or just do what was good, not being intentional about pleasing God or seeking to act because of Him. And, of course, with such a mentality, I often fell short and regularly had feelings of guilt and even depression.
I really cannot put my hand on what exactly or when exactly I changed, but God has definitely grown me in the sense that I understand Him on a deeper level and realize that believing in God is not just knowing what He has done for me, but rather living because of what I know He has done and because of who He is. Instead of guilt, I feel convicted when I fall short. Instead of being overwhelmed with depression, I go to Him with my sorrows.
My life has totally changed in the last few years. I think about God constantly…in how I spend my money, in how I love others, in how I bring God into the classroom, and even in what I allow my eyes to see. I have a deeper desire to read His Word and over the last year, God has given me insight through the Holy Spirit to understand His Word in a way that I have never understood it before. I feel as though I am truly understanding what it means to read the LIVING WORD because I understand it as if I am reading for the first time.
While I feel myself growing in my understanding of God and His Word, I also feel as though I still have so much growth left to do. I hope that my maturity in my relationship with God is a lifetime progression, where I am constantly learning something I did not know before, and where God is repeatedly telling me how He can use me in a way I hadn’t thought of before. At this point in my life, I am constantly feeling stretched, like I need to love more, learn more, and serve more. Every day, I fall short in some area or another, and every day, I am reminded that I love a God who is here to pick me up each morning to help me try again.
