SLuMPS and STaRBuCKS

Do you ever feel dumb? Like you have stopped learning? Like your intelligence has come to an abrupt halt? Or, do you ever find yourself just feeling really alone or without? Well, those feelings frequent my mind from time to time... And, when Poor Me Syndrome visits, she comes unnannounced and then usually leaves in the night when I'm not paying her any attention. But, if I give her any time of day, she lingers for a lot longer than I would like.

I am reading Facing Your Giants by Max Lucado. If you haven't read it yet, you should. If you don't want to read the whole thing, at least read the chapter entitled "Slump Guns." Right now, I find myself sitting at Starbucks -- which, when I have time, is the place that I go to kind of think, study, plan, read or just journal. In general, it's not too quiet, yet the background noise is soothing and allows me to reflect and get things done that I need to do. Today, while I have been pretty productive, I feel Poor Me Syndrome knocking on my door. I desire so badly not to let her in, but feel like she is going to climb in and overtake my thoughts. So, in an attempt to run from her, I came here.

In this chapter of the book, Lucado talks about David and Goliath (as he does throughout the book) and basically cites the portion of David's life when he forgot about God... He was so down in the dumps that he consulted himself instead of God. Doing so, David ended up turning against his own people. And then, his life just gets worse and worse. Lucado states, "How we handle our tough times stays with us for a lifetime." It's true right? I mean usually when we are down in the dumps, that's when we can make some poor decisions that could affect us for a long time. Thus, it's so important to seek God first, seek wise counsel, and keep on moving.

Don't let her in.

This is a story that Lucado talks about in his book. It is so relevant to me right now as many times those thoughts of loneliness creep into my head. It is a reminder that God can see the end even though right now I can't. It is a constant reminder that I need in my life.

In 1952 Florence Chadwick attempted to swim the chilly ocean waters between Catalina Island and the California shore. She swam through foggy weather and choppy seas for fifteen hours. Her muscles began to cramp, and her resolve weakened. She begged to be taken out of the water, but her mother, riding in the boat alongside, urged her not to give up. She kept trying but grew exhausted and stopped swimming. Aids lifted her out of the water and into the boat. They paddled a few more minutes, the mist broke, and she discovered that the shore was less than a half mile away. "All I could see was the fog," she explained at a news conference. "I think if I could have seen the shore, I would have made it."

Lucado continues by saying, "Take a long look at the shore that awaits you. Don't be fooled by the fog of the slump. The finish may be only strokes away."

The loneliness will subside. Feelings of inadecuacy will go away. Hurt will pass. God can see the shore.

Partial Believer

So, today I have been somewhat puzzled all day. Many things occurred throughout the day that have me in quite a pensive mood. First, I have this deep desire to travel and do mission work in the Dominican Republic. Second, I have this nagging feeling of loneliness that knocks me down from time to time... and I have taken a big blow today. Last, and most importantly, I was just in Starbucks journaling and reading my Bible and Facing Giants by Max Lucado. I was praying to God about the aformentioned ideas.
Then, a middle-aged man comes and sits next to me and takes out his computer. I was about done and a few moments later began packing up my stuff... As I grabbed my purse to leave, he asked me what I was reading. Well, the book on top? SOLO which is a devotional Bible in the form of The Message. He recognized the message. As I tend to be somewhat awkward around strangers, I still kind of grabbed at my bag, and he asked, "So what church do you go to?" I told him Trinity and that it is an Anglican Church in Atlanta. Then, I asked him if he went to church and he said no. He used to be Catholic and at some point rejected it. He said he believes in God, partially believes in Jesus, and that he is more spiritual. I gave him a puzzled look, but the only words that could come to my mind were, "well you should try reading your Bible sometime." It wasn't harsh, but not necessarily how I should have reacted. But, that ended our conversation. He obviously wanted to talk more, and we should have, I was just at a loss for words. As I drove home, I began thinking, "I partially believe in Jesus?" How is that possible? You're either in or your out, right? How does one only somewhat believe in the savior? That should have been my next question.

And then, as I continue pondering the happenings of this day, I realize that I question each moment Christ's ability to overcome my loneliness, my doubt, my fears. Is doubting the same as partially believing? Similarly, I believe that God has put it in my heart to become a missionary and yet, I have trouble speaking truth to someone who is totally inviting me in to speak about my relationship with Christ and my beliefs. And I flake. What is God trying to tell me through this small happening? Am I not ready?

I pray that God will provide for me more unexpected occurrences in my everyday life. I feel like it is so much easier to speak to an "untouched" people than it is to minister to our own. It is so much easier to speak to those who we feel have never heard the truth than it is to talk to someone who already has a background but who has rejected Christ. I'm up for the challenge. I will continue to delve into your word and hope that the next time, I will handle myself better.

For now, I have his name, DAN. Lord, I pray that you will lay it on Dan's heart to seek you again. I pray that you will put curiosity in his heart and that he would seek out answers to his doubts and that he would stop rejecting you. I pray that he would not just believe in a God, but that he would fully believe one God, you, as the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Lord, I pray that while I may never see Dan again, that he would come to know you and trust in you.

Amen.

Fight the Good Fight of Faith

I am humbled. Convicted. Every Sunday after hearing the message when we do communion, I pray that God will help me to understand and feel both His presence and His love for me. You see, it's so hard to truly understand how deep of a love He has for us that He would shed his blood and that He would allow for His body to be pierced. Yet, he loved me so much that He did it -- so that I could live this life... undeserved. And yet, I doubt Him. I don't have faith. I don't have time. I don't have patience. This morning, I jotted in my journal that I want to give up. Times are hard and I'm tired of fighting. And, in the midst of church this morning, in the midst of a passage in 1 Timothy which on the outside talks about us not having a love for money, are these words, "Fight the Good Fight of Faith." I need to have faith in Him who shed his blood, whose body was broken for me. It's a fight to keep that faith and I will win. God will win. I ask that God help me maintain my faith. That I be content with food and clothing -- that I would not be in want for those extra things. I ask that he would make me eager to pursue righteousness, Godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. I ask that He give me the faith, committment and discernment to understand his desires and the desire to live in simplicity. May He keep breaking me and allowing me to see how much I need Him.

Colossians 1:9-13 For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened withall power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified ou to sharei n the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

Basketball and Clean Feet

Well, yesterday I had a great experience here in the D.R. I went in the morning with a team to translate for a basketball clinic in Santo Domingo. I was partnered up with a girl who used to play basketball for the University of Southern California. She taught the kids some useful dribbling skills that they could practice even when we weren't there. There were also stations that worked on passing and shooting. Afterwards, we shared the gospel with them. Then, in the afternoon, I went to a church service in a village called Honduras. The service was great. We sang some familiar songs--although in Spanish and then listened to a message about serving others and how this is a perfect way to show others our love for Christ. In Matthew, we read about Jesus and how he was so humble that he washed the feet of his disciples even though he is Lord. Then, the group that we were with washed the feet of all of the adults and children in the church. It was awesome! While some washed, others prayed. I didn't get to wash anyone's feet, but I did get to pray over some. It was a very overwhelming experience -- one that I will never forget.

Irresistible God!

Well, unbelievably, it is my last week of my one-month trip to the Dominican and I haven't written on my blog since my first week. While I will attempt to let you understand what I have experienced on my trip, please know that whatever I say will not do justice to the experiences that I have had while here. During my second week in the DR, I was with a church group from Ohio. Similar to the first church group that was here from Tenessee during my first week, we visited local villages of haitians and dominicans and shared the gospel with them. Unlike the first group though, we had the opportunity to go to the same village each day. The village was called Dos Hermanas (two sisters). As I am one who believes in relational experiences, I loved the idea of working with the same village the whole week. By the end of that week, around 30 or 40 people accepted Christ into their hearts. It was such an awesome experience for me. (See, since I was able to speak Spanish, they had about 20 girls who had raised their hands saying they wanted to accept Christ to me and I asked them if they understood who Jesus was and why he died on the cross. After they explained their understanding, we prayed a prayer to the Lord asking for forgiveness of sins and they dedicated their lives to Christ. It was definitely one of the coolest experiences that I have had thus far. That day 20 girls accepted Christ (including one girl, who at the age of 3, very obviously and passionately expressed her belief in Jesus). Sometimes we discount what their little minds can understand, but she got it. CRAZY!

The following week, I traveled with a softball group which was composed of girls from Atlanta (Woodward Academy), Tennessee and North Carolina. The two coaches were former pitchers for UGA and UF. The girls were full of spirit and energy and it brought back memories of playing softball. Of the group of 20 or so girls, about half did not have a relationship with Christ, and by the end of the week, they all became saved -- expressing their belief in Him, desire to know Him and repent of their sins. Two girls caught my attention the most. Somehow, they felt close enough to me to want to talk to me about how they didn't believe, yet were burdened by the fact that they didn't have a desire to know Him. So, over the next two nights, they talked to me and we talked about what it meant to have a relationship with Christ and about the importance of prayer and reading the Bible... We prayed, talked, cried... The next night, actually the last night they were there, they accepted Christ. It was such a cool experience for God to work through me to get to them. One of the girls was from Tennessee. She didn't have a Bible and often complained that on the few occassions that she had tried to read it, she just didn't understand. On the morning that she was leaving, I gave her mine. You see, I had a student study Bible. I never understood why 4 years ago I had bought it. I liked the Bible, but it pointed to a lot of things that would affect teenagers and not me. I had my favorite verses underlined and I knew that God had allowed me to buy and read and underline that Bible so that on that day I could give it to her.

It's amazing how God works. We don't have a clue what he is doing, but later we are able to see His working hand! Oh what an awesome God we serve.

So let your light shine

It has been a wonderful week. After arriving in the Dominican Republic on July 1st, I spent one week with a team from Washington Avenue Baptist Church in Tennessee. It was a small group of 8-12 graders and we spent the week going to sugar cane villages (or bateys) in the area. We spent about 2 hours each day playing with the kids in the hot sun. Then, the group would perform skits for them and then explain the gospel and the importance of having a relationship with Christ, and each of them also gave their testimonies. (Imagine being 13 and understanding your committment to Christ enough to share it with complete strangers! What amazing kids they are!) Their skits were so awesome! There was one that was based on Matthew 13 and the parable of the seeds. I long so much to have the good soil. If you haven't read that in a while, you should. In the book that I am reading, Crazy Love, the author talks about how many Christians assume that they have good soil, but that in reality many of us have soil full of thorns meaning that we fall to temptation easily -- wanting to have Christ and the things of the world at the same time. The truth is, though, that we only need Christ. The things of this world don't matter. The second skit was one with a chain where death had a man bound. Jesus kept trying to free the man, but he rejected Him over and over again. Instead, he tried to get help from money, from sports, from love... and nothing worked. Finally, he surrendered to Christ and He freed him. What a great message! This week, I helped feed a village for a week, translated for people who don't speak Spanish and served teams from all over the United States as they come here to serve the less fortunate. I leave today a link for a ministry called Gloves for God. This ministry is out of Woodstock Georgia and the people involved collect money and used gloves, repair them and then bring them to the Dominican Republic and give them to kids who may need them. Today, I watched a baseball game and then listened to the gospel being shared with the teams. Gloves for God is an awesome ministry! You should check it out! http://www.gloves4god.org/. From all of the experiences and conversations that I have had this week, in combination with the relationships that I have built, I have learned so much. I hope to grow in my desire to be bold in my faith and love on those around me. Lastly, I have truly enjoyed being around everyone that I have met this week. Whether that be kids from a team, youth pastors, missionaries, parents or new friends, I am truly blessed. My verse for the week that I have been holding tight to comes from Matthew 5:14-16 "You are the light of the world - like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket, instead, a lamp is placed on a stand where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let yor good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly father." So let your light shine!

HuGo LiBoRio, You WiLL Be MiSSeD!

Hugo Liborio. He was such a great man. Not becuase he was nice and smiled all of the time, but because he truly loved the Lord and showed that love in all that he did. I met Hugo last Spring Break in the Dominican Republic. He and his wife Sarah and their son Mattias were our missionaries and we basically spent a week with them. While we were only with them a week, I learned enough from them to impact my life forever. I learned that we should follow our hearts. God tells us what we should be doing with our lives. He guides us and lets us know what we should be doing -- even though the task in front of us may seem daunting or may go against what the world says will bring us success. Hugo also taught me about having fun, loosening up and truly enjoying those around me. I had the pleasure of seeing the family again this summer and once more in September when they came by our school for a quick visit -- something that Sarah told me they had never had the opportunity to do before. Hugo was only 29 when he died. He wasn't sick and all I can say is that it must have just been his time to go. He had touched the lives of the people that God intended for him to impact and he will forever be in Heaven with God. I am sure that he will be missed by so many people... his family, his friends and some that maybe he only knew for a week. About a week after his death, his wife called me. She wanted to make sure that I knew that Hugo had died. She wanted to make sure that the girls that were on the trip were able to reflect on his death and learn from his life. Every time I think about it, it strikes me as purely amazing that Sarah could call me at a time when she must be grieving and feeling so sad. But, she is a God-fearing woman and in her actions, she taught me the importance of thinking about others and living for them. We should live every day as if it is our last, we should praise the Lord in all that we do, and we should love unconditionally and whole-heartedly.