Partial Believer

So, today I have been somewhat puzzled all day. Many things occurred throughout the day that have me in quite a pensive mood. First, I have this deep desire to travel and do mission work in the Dominican Republic. Second, I have this nagging feeling of loneliness that knocks me down from time to time... and I have taken a big blow today. Last, and most importantly, I was just in Starbucks journaling and reading my Bible and Facing Giants by Max Lucado. I was praying to God about the aformentioned ideas.
Then, a middle-aged man comes and sits next to me and takes out his computer. I was about done and a few moments later began packing up my stuff... As I grabbed my purse to leave, he asked me what I was reading. Well, the book on top? SOLO which is a devotional Bible in the form of The Message. He recognized the message. As I tend to be somewhat awkward around strangers, I still kind of grabbed at my bag, and he asked, "So what church do you go to?" I told him Trinity and that it is an Anglican Church in Atlanta. Then, I asked him if he went to church and he said no. He used to be Catholic and at some point rejected it. He said he believes in God, partially believes in Jesus, and that he is more spiritual. I gave him a puzzled look, but the only words that could come to my mind were, "well you should try reading your Bible sometime." It wasn't harsh, but not necessarily how I should have reacted. But, that ended our conversation. He obviously wanted to talk more, and we should have, I was just at a loss for words. As I drove home, I began thinking, "I partially believe in Jesus?" How is that possible? You're either in or your out, right? How does one only somewhat believe in the savior? That should have been my next question.

And then, as I continue pondering the happenings of this day, I realize that I question each moment Christ's ability to overcome my loneliness, my doubt, my fears. Is doubting the same as partially believing? Similarly, I believe that God has put it in my heart to become a missionary and yet, I have trouble speaking truth to someone who is totally inviting me in to speak about my relationship with Christ and my beliefs. And I flake. What is God trying to tell me through this small happening? Am I not ready?

I pray that God will provide for me more unexpected occurrences in my everyday life. I feel like it is so much easier to speak to an "untouched" people than it is to minister to our own. It is so much easier to speak to those who we feel have never heard the truth than it is to talk to someone who already has a background but who has rejected Christ. I'm up for the challenge. I will continue to delve into your word and hope that the next time, I will handle myself better.

For now, I have his name, DAN. Lord, I pray that you will lay it on Dan's heart to seek you again. I pray that you will put curiosity in his heart and that he would seek out answers to his doubts and that he would stop rejecting you. I pray that he would not just believe in a God, but that he would fully believe one God, you, as the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Lord, I pray that while I may never see Dan again, that he would come to know you and trust in you.

Amen.