Do you ever feel dumb? Like you have stopped learning? Like your intelligence has come to an abrupt halt? Or, do you ever find yourself just feeling really alone or without? Well, those feelings frequent my mind from time to time... And, when Poor Me Syndrome visits, she comes unnannounced and then usually leaves in the night when I'm not paying her any attention. But, if I give her any time of day, she lingers for a lot longer than I would like.
I am reading Facing Your Giants by Max Lucado. If you haven't read it yet, you should. If you don't want to read the whole thing, at least read the chapter entitled "Slump Guns." Right now, I find myself sitting at Starbucks -- which, when I have time, is the place that I go to kind of think, study, plan, read or just journal. In general, it's not too quiet, yet the background noise is soothing and allows me to reflect and get things done that I need to do. Today, while I have been pretty productive, I feel Poor Me Syndrome knocking on my door. I desire so badly not to let her in, but feel like she is going to climb in and overtake my thoughts. So, in an attempt to run from her, I came here.
In this chapter of the book, Lucado talks about David and Goliath (as he does throughout the book) and basically cites the portion of David's life when he forgot about God... He was so down in the dumps that he consulted himself instead of God. Doing so, David ended up turning against his own people. And then, his life just gets worse and worse. Lucado states, "How we handle our tough times stays with us for a lifetime." It's true right? I mean usually when we are down in the dumps, that's when we can make some poor decisions that could affect us for a long time. Thus, it's so important to seek God first, seek wise counsel, and keep on moving.
Don't let her in.
This is a story that Lucado talks about in his book. It is so relevant to me right now as many times those thoughts of loneliness creep into my head. It is a reminder that God can see the end even though right now I can't. It is a constant reminder that I need in my life.
In 1952 Florence Chadwick attempted to swim the chilly ocean waters between Catalina Island and the California shore. She swam through foggy weather and choppy seas for fifteen hours. Her muscles began to cramp, and her resolve weakened. She begged to be taken out of the water, but her mother, riding in the boat alongside, urged her not to give up. She kept trying but grew exhausted and stopped swimming. Aids lifted her out of the water and into the boat. They paddled a few more minutes, the mist broke, and she discovered that the shore was less than a half mile away. "All I could see was the fog," she explained at a news conference. "I think if I could have seen the shore, I would have made it."
Lucado continues by saying, "Take a long look at the shore that awaits you. Don't be fooled by the fog of the slump. The finish may be only strokes away."
The loneliness will subside. Feelings of inadecuacy will go away. Hurt will pass. God can see the shore.
Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. 1 Peter 4:10-11
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Partial Believer
So, today I have been somewhat puzzled all day. Many things occurred throughout the day that have me in quite a pensive mood. First, I have this deep desire to travel and do mission work in the Dominican Republic. Second, I have this nagging feeling of loneliness that knocks me down from time to time... and I have taken a big blow today. Last, and most importantly, I was just in Starbucks journaling and reading my Bible and Facing Giants by Max Lucado. I was praying to God about the aformentioned ideas.
Then, a middle-aged man comes and sits next to me and takes out his computer. I was about done and a few moments later began packing up my stuff... As I grabbed my purse to leave, he asked me what I was reading. Well, the book on top? SOLO which is a devotional Bible in the form of The Message. He recognized the message. As I tend to be somewhat awkward around strangers, I still kind of grabbed at my bag, and he asked, "So what church do you go to?" I told him Trinity and that it is an Anglican Church in Atlanta. Then, I asked him if he went to church and he said no. He used to be Catholic and at some point rejected it. He said he believes in God, partially believes in Jesus, and that he is more spiritual. I gave him a puzzled look, but the only words that could come to my mind were, "well you should try reading your Bible sometime." It wasn't harsh, but not necessarily how I should have reacted. But, that ended our conversation. He obviously wanted to talk more, and we should have, I was just at a loss for words. As I drove home, I began thinking, "I partially believe in Jesus?" How is that possible? You're either in or your out, right? How does one only somewhat believe in the savior? That should have been my next question.
And then, as I continue pondering the happenings of this day, I realize that I question each moment Christ's ability to overcome my loneliness, my doubt, my fears. Is doubting the same as partially believing? Similarly, I believe that God has put it in my heart to become a missionary and yet, I have trouble speaking truth to someone who is totally inviting me in to speak about my relationship with Christ and my beliefs. And I flake. What is God trying to tell me through this small happening? Am I not ready?
I pray that God will provide for me more unexpected occurrences in my everyday life. I feel like it is so much easier to speak to an "untouched" people than it is to minister to our own. It is so much easier to speak to those who we feel have never heard the truth than it is to talk to someone who already has a background but who has rejected Christ. I'm up for the challenge. I will continue to delve into your word and hope that the next time, I will handle myself better.
For now, I have his name, DAN. Lord, I pray that you will lay it on Dan's heart to seek you again. I pray that you will put curiosity in his heart and that he would seek out answers to his doubts and that he would stop rejecting you. I pray that he would not just believe in a God, but that he would fully believe one God, you, as the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Lord, I pray that while I may never see Dan again, that he would come to know you and trust in you.
Amen.
Then, a middle-aged man comes and sits next to me and takes out his computer. I was about done and a few moments later began packing up my stuff... As I grabbed my purse to leave, he asked me what I was reading. Well, the book on top? SOLO which is a devotional Bible in the form of The Message. He recognized the message. As I tend to be somewhat awkward around strangers, I still kind of grabbed at my bag, and he asked, "So what church do you go to?" I told him Trinity and that it is an Anglican Church in Atlanta. Then, I asked him if he went to church and he said no. He used to be Catholic and at some point rejected it. He said he believes in God, partially believes in Jesus, and that he is more spiritual. I gave him a puzzled look, but the only words that could come to my mind were, "well you should try reading your Bible sometime." It wasn't harsh, but not necessarily how I should have reacted. But, that ended our conversation. He obviously wanted to talk more, and we should have, I was just at a loss for words. As I drove home, I began thinking, "I partially believe in Jesus?" How is that possible? You're either in or your out, right? How does one only somewhat believe in the savior? That should have been my next question.
And then, as I continue pondering the happenings of this day, I realize that I question each moment Christ's ability to overcome my loneliness, my doubt, my fears. Is doubting the same as partially believing? Similarly, I believe that God has put it in my heart to become a missionary and yet, I have trouble speaking truth to someone who is totally inviting me in to speak about my relationship with Christ and my beliefs. And I flake. What is God trying to tell me through this small happening? Am I not ready?
I pray that God will provide for me more unexpected occurrences in my everyday life. I feel like it is so much easier to speak to an "untouched" people than it is to minister to our own. It is so much easier to speak to those who we feel have never heard the truth than it is to talk to someone who already has a background but who has rejected Christ. I'm up for the challenge. I will continue to delve into your word and hope that the next time, I will handle myself better.
For now, I have his name, DAN. Lord, I pray that you will lay it on Dan's heart to seek you again. I pray that you will put curiosity in his heart and that he would seek out answers to his doubts and that he would stop rejecting you. I pray that he would not just believe in a God, but that he would fully believe one God, you, as the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Lord, I pray that while I may never see Dan again, that he would come to know you and trust in you.
Amen.
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