I am merely human

Today has been great in the sense that I have been to church and had time to be alone and just talk to God, read, and spend time in prayer.  Not unbelievably, doing so has enabled me to really reflect on where God has me, how He is working, and how incredibly blessed I am to have Him in my life.

Yesterday, the class of 2013 graduated from Wesleyan.  It was the last graduation that I will be a part of at the school that I have taught at for the last 7 years.  The valedictorian (who I am convinced is one of the most intelligent kids to go to Wesleyan) spoke about the necessity for us to give up control to God.  I have become more and more aware in the last year about how much God is in control and how little control I have.  And yet, still I worry, I cry, I doubt, and I become impatient when I don't understand what God is doing or can't see the final outcome.

Have you looked up lately?  The weather here for the past week has been purely beautiful.  Blue skies,  rays shining through the clouds if there are any, and a perfect breeze.  On a walk after school last week, I looked up.  I realized that I don't marvel in God's creation enough.  And, I have a hard time grasping just how amazing the one true God is... to have created such a place where while it is not yet perfect, I can catch glimpses of God's ingenious, his creativity and His control.

I am reminded, both through his creation and in all of the details of my move, that I am merely human.  God has control over all future outcomes. And, I should be comforted by that reminder because at my core I understand that He is good and He loves me.

And yet, my mind regularly doubts God, I become impatient and I struggle to truly grasp just how in control He is.  This makes me think just a few months back when during worship and prayer night at my church, the pastor prayed that I would believe in the Lord's abundance.  And, it takes me to his sermon just earlier this morning about John 16:12-15 where Jesus tells the disciples that they can't handle all that He has to say.  They can't grasp all that He is.  Like the disciples, I struggle with being able to clearly see the Lord, interpret His words or do His will.  But thanks be to God that He sent the Holy Spirit to help guide us.  Sometimes I think I forget to ask the Holy Spirit to help me when I doubt, to remind me of His power, and to guide me when I can't see.

Lately, I have been reading 2 Kings which at times seems to drag on about kings who disobeyed God and thus, made Him angry.  At first look, I do think the book is largely about that and about how we as humans constantly disappoint God, but I also think it's also about what happens when we listen to God and that when we actually recognize that God is in control, we are able to see Him work in amazing ways.  For example, Elisha fought an army and was surrounded by heavenly hosts fighting alongside him (2 Kings 6:17).  He had to ask God to allow his servant to see the "horses and chariots of fire" that surrounded Elisha as they fought, as all that the servant could see was that their army was much smaller than their opponent's.  Elisha is great because he recognized his inability without God's help and thus constantly asks God for guidance. He not only reaps the benefits of God's help, but also recognizes it.

Reading 2 Kings also reminds me how man is sinful.  Over and over again, the kings relied on themselves, they were greedy and mean, and they looked to other gods for guidance.  Over and over again, because of their actions, they angered God.  Knowing that I am human and thus sinful, I am reminded of how I must anger God at times and of my need to constantly go to Him and ask the Holy Spirit to intervene on my behalf -- as my human nature doubts, is impatient, and is sinful.  In Psalm 9:20, David cries out to God to "strike them (maybe his enemies?) with terror...let the nations know they are but man."  How often do we doubt this?  How often do we think we are God?  That we have the power?  That we are in control?  How many times do we forget that we are merely human?  How often do we not fear Him?

How can I grasp that God is in control.  He set the moon and the stars in place.  He created me.  And He loves me, not because I did anything right, but because He is good.  He is sending me, not because I am good...  Not because I deserve it or am special, but because He is good.  He is in control and He wants to use me in that way.

May the Holy Spirit give me wisdom.  May I allow God to control my every step, my thoughts, and words.  When I am lacking in knowledge, strength or obedience, may I remember to ask the Holy Spirit for guidance. May the lord constantly remind me of His power, love and abundance.