Morning Walks & Conversations with God

Sometimes I think I am going crazy.  Then I get time to myself and I realize that my questions, wonders, fears… they come from somewhere else.

I recognize that I don't always feel myself, spend enough time just talking to God or to others, get distracted, forget or feel drained.

So I pray for balance and wisdom and God to be more in me than I am in me.

And He gifts me.  

This morning… with an early morning walk.

I walked down the main road all the way through Samán basically to the bridge that links Montellano to Poncho Mateo.  I woke up at about 6:15 and just had the urge to walk.  It was something that I used to do in the States, take leisurely walks around Norcross enjoying the trees, and the birds, and talking to God.  When I first moved to the DR, I didn't do that anymore because I was nervous to walk by myself… and then I knew that a big part of me walking (and even jogging) was having music and I didn't feel comfortable with my IPOD either.  So, the habit stopped.

Lately, though I've been reminded of how every part of us is connected.  (I know… DUH!  But, reminders are good, right?  Afterall, we are a forgetful people.)  Mind, Body, Soul… how we feel physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally.  It's all connected.  

Well, this morning I did something that I've missed… I got up early for an unplanned walk.  It was so quiet.  So nice.  

Mami was out on her front porch to sell coffee this morning and she was talking to an older man who always tells me "Que Dios te bendiga"  every morning. I chatted for a quick moment and kept walking… past lots of sleepy dogs in the streets.  Turned left by my church, and I came to the soccer field (I am still amazed at the popularity of soccer in this town… sometimes I wonder where I moved… Where is baseball?)  I saw two men that I don't know by a table… "Buenos días," I said and then I continued to ask them what they were selling…. "Pig."  "I didn't know that people eat pig so early" was my reply in Spanish.  A smile and a yes!

During my walk, I saw three more tables with three more freshly cooked pigs snout and all lying on it.  (oh, and usually a man and a sharp knife close by.)

I passed the Catholic church with people outside waiting to go in, the park that has a stationary train in it where we played red-light green light once with some kids from Makarios, and then I turned by the other stationary train that leads to one of the communities where the kids live and where Makarios was started -- Pancho Mateo.  (I think there are so many trains here because before when there was a sugar can factory, it's how the sugarcane got transported out of here.)  

I smell a stinch and see a man with some live chickens in his hand.  A truck pulls up with small cages on it. I guess he is going to deliver some chickens to the various "colmados" or little convenience stores or maybe even to restaurants.  The smell gets stronger… I see a man outside with a big cauldren a chicken in his hand… Does he kill and skin them there?  I look up and read the sign, "pollero"… you know the place where they grow and kill chickens… They are the ones that supply them to everyone else.  

I see the familiar haitian lady selling beans with a bowl on her head… she smiles and keeps going. (I think, "I should have said Bon Ju" but yesterday I said that to someone who I think was dominican.  So, I just say, "Buenos Dias" and smile).  

I continue walking… talking to God… praying for the women who I met yesterday who live very close to me.  Praying for the one who was talking on the phone to a Turkish man who didn't speak Spanish and yet they communicate by skype or something of the like.  Praying for her and her friend and others who speak so openly about getting drunk and their relationships with foreign men.  Praying for the little girl who heard it all… hears it all as one of the women was her mother.  Praying for more opportunities to be around them and for God to open doors.

Thinking about my neighbors who are not from here who I haven't gotten to know but who God has put so close to me.  That I would take advantage of opportunities to spend time with them. That they would learn about God through me.

I keep walking and find myself in a familiar neighborhood near C and F's house.  I pass some small houses where one of my students lives… asking God to protect him and take care of him as his dad works long hours and he spends lots of time alone or in the streets.  I pass the familiar wall about peace and decide to walk to the house that I go to every couple of weeks… They are sleeping.  All of the doors are closed, and I pause and say a prayer for the family.  I pray for their parents jobs, for the new baby, and for safety for the kids.  I pray that they will come to know Christ one day and for reconciliation & redemption.

I head back and see a lady out on her porch under a tree with some beautiful big pink flowers.  "Buenos Dias," she greets me and says something I don't quite catch.  She asks if I am a mother.  "No… not yet."  And then it hits me.  It's mother's day here.  (Things you are reminded so early in the morning… I had forgotten.)  I wish her a happy mother's day and head on only to run into another familiar face squatting on a curb.  She says to me with a smile, "You live around here?"  I explain where I live and ask, "How do I know you?" I figured she was a mom of a Makarios kid, but actually she's not.  I know her from class.  She's one of the other students in a class that I am taking for teachers.  

Remember I said sometimes I think I'm going crazy…  well, I made a quick decision about a month ago to enter a 10 month program -- going to class once a week -- with a girl I work with -- to get certified in teaching here.  It'll be over in March. I'd been looking at the program since I lived in Quisqueya, but there wasn't one close by.  I inquired about it and recently, found out that one had just started in Puerto Plata.  I had to make a quick decision… this was an opportunity to take a post-grad level class in the Dominican with a co-worker and it's only 20 minutes away and once a week.  

And so yes, that means some other things have to go off of my list of things to do… for right now… 

It's important to me to understand a bit more about the history and workings of the dominican education system which hopefully will be a help both to Makarios and to Emanuel House.  

So for the next few months I've decided to not start the weekly Bible studies I had wanted to do with Adonai kids, nor formal creole lessons… or add anything else on my plate that would be a regular weekly committment.  I will try to be intentional with who God has put in front of me right now and continue focusing on Him so that He shows himself and His will to me.

My life is quite full… 

I am reminded to pray about what God wants me to do "right now."  And during the summer, I think it involves learning more about the education system… two Bible studies / reading help in Chichigua / VBS team at Makarios during the days, and helping out with teams whenever I can.  

I need to have space to walk and to stop and to visit and to see and to observe and to pray.  Space for people to come visit me, eat meals together and build relationships.  

But, sometimes I don't have the energy.  So I pray for my continued physical health… for balance.

It felt good to walk this morning.  

Human development -- that is what we are studying in my class.  Stages of life.  Changes.  Can you believe that I am coming to the end of my early adulthood stage of life.   And grateful for that, I want to continue "moving" and being active physically, mentally and spiritually.

So I say I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes because in getting in the rhythm of life, it's just gets so busy.  And in the midst of it I think… but I think with so many other things in my mind.  I wonder if it is how God wants us to be -- busy.  I wonder what the line is between spending his time well and having it so full that there is no time… I must believe that "busy-ness" is not from God.  Lord, let me be Martha, but not forget the importance of Mary.

Clarity and wisdom are what I seek, yet everything is so full, that it's hard to distinguish how God is really talking.

That's where the "going crazy" feeling comes in.  Emotions, doubts, fears, tiredness.

Sitting down to read the word and a "to do" list is on the brain, along with conversations from the past week, and worries and doubts and fears.  

[Journal]

[Space]

[Breathe]

[Observe]

[Laugh]

[Morning walks… Time to talk to God and sort things out with Him… in the quietest, coolest part of the day.] 

That overwhelming feeling diminishes.  

[Breathe]

Remember … the smiling faces, people who God has already put into my path who care for me and encourage me, recognizing there is so much to learn & so many experiences that I have yet to have (I mean pig at 6:30 in the morning? Who knew?)  And how this town is smaller than I thought…and the chirping and smells and beautiful plaintain and mango trees…

I must do this again.

Plans, Patience, and Promises oh my!

Reading again through the Bible, I find myself at the beginning... Genesis.
God existed from the beginning.
God created everything perfectly.
Man sinned causing separation from God.
Every man (and woman) thereafter sinned and sinned and sinned until...
God destroyed every living thing except those on Noah's big boat.
God still loved His creation, but many were still separated from Him.
Hundred's of years after the flood Abraham (then Abram) is born and he marries Sarah (then Sarai). And when they are about a hundred years old, they have Isaac.

And that's who I read about today, Isaac... the almost-sacrificed son of Abraham.  Isaac, the husband of Rebekah and the father of Jacob and Esau is one of many in the Bible who is so often renowned and yet so imperfect.

My Bible commentary tells me of weaknesses that Isaac had:
lying under pressure, avoiding necessary confrontation and playing favorites among his sons

And yet, God continued to work through him and his shortcomings.

God used Isaac's life for His glory.

Isaac, like all of us was so imperfect and weak.  Yet, God chose him to be born to Abraham and Sarah at a time well past child-bearing age.  And, even better -- Jesus is part of His family tree. Jesus -- the Savior who fixes all of the mess, the separation, and the sin.

My Bible commentary also points out lessons from his life that we can apply to our own:
Patience often brings rewards...
Both God's plans and His promises are larger than people or circumstances...
God keeps his promises!  He remains faithful though we are often faithless...

This season is definitely one of God reminding me that He is God and that He has a perfect plan.  As is normal, I have had difficult and exhausting days mixed with wonderful, surprising, "Wow-God-IS-really-Working" days.  I am truly excited to see His plan continue to unfold as I learn, share and grow.

Please pray for continued "settling" and building of relationships and the following parts of my ministry, many of which have kept me quite busy in the last month:

Reading at Makarios.  The school year officially came to an end last week.  So, I will stop formal reading at the school until the fall.  One of my 4th graders improved so much that he is able to continue on to the Christian Private school that is a part of Compassion and my church.  I am SO proud of him.  I have seen improvements in most.  I will continue to work with many of the same kids next year.  May God open their brains to be able to read.

Reading and Bible Study in Chichigua.  I have had three weeks where I have been working two times a week in a community called Chichigua.  It is a creole-speaking village where some of the kids live. I have started to build relationships through Creole practice.  One of the moms expressed a desire to learn to read and to be able to read the Bible.  And, a month later, there is a reading / Bible study that I am heading up twice a week with two different small groups (one of mostly believers and one with non-believers).  God is good!  One of the ladies with whom I'm working accepted Christ after hearing the Gospel.  The others are SO hungry to know God's Word.  I pray that He will soften their hearts to accept Him as their Savior and that they will take the Bible as truth and not necessarily culture or what they've been told when it does not line up.

Pijama Jam. We had a PJ sleepover with the 5th - 8th graders who are a part of Makarios but who go to the private school this year.  It was a lot of fun worshipping, sharing testimonies, playing, baking, eating and watching a movie.  The goal was to get to know each other better as a foundation to continue ministry with them in the future.  Please pray about what that looks like!  (We already had an informal 2 hour softball game with some 5th graders just a few days ago.)

 

Reading workshop with teachers. Two weeks ago, I led a reading workshop with the teachers sharing with them the disparities of the education system here on the island.  It's crazy to think that kids who cannot read by 4th grade are most likely to go to jail, not finish school, etc. etc.  I didn't find any statistics about parents being unable to read to their children or read their Bible on their own, but wow, from experience what a difference that makes in a child's life.  Teachers were presented with a variety of games and activities that they can use in their classes to teach their kids.

Wedding Bells.  In that same two weeks ago, two members of the Makarios family got married!  It was definitely a family effort in the "saying goodbye" parties, preparations and cleaning up!

Workshop in Quisqueya.  After having had a few days of must needed rest, tomorrow I head to Quisqueya with a group of teachers to do a workshop on teaching pre-school.  The pre-school program is great here and hopefully the teachers will learn some things. I think it'll be a great opportunity for my two worlds to collide.  Please pray for safe travel, good fellowship with the Makarios and Emanuel House teachers and that it would be a time that is a blessing to the Lord!

A few more things...

• Summer VBS is almost here and I'm on the VBS team and lots of groups will be visiting.
• Continued relationship building with the teachers and the community around us.
• Good health and energy balanced with rest and filling up this Summer.
• Wisdom in discipling a Summer intern. 
• My Bible studies / reading help -- that God speaks through me and continues to give me wisdom.

May God increase my desire to be available to Him, knowing that His willingness to use me is even greater than my desire to be used.  May God's strengths overshadow my weaknesses.  May He teach me patience, faith in His promises, and discipline.

To Him be the glory!