Closer

I have been waiting to write this blog for quite a while now -- for many reasons -- but the main of which is that I haven't felt well over the past month.  As many know over the past year, I have been "sickly" many times in the Dominican.  Everyone has their "theory" on why and some are probably true, but no matter the reason, my health is a constant prayer request.

Today, I find myself in a different warm-weather place.  I'm in Florida and have been for over two weeks now.  I won't go into the long story of how I got here, and I will spare all of the worry by saying, "I am okay."

I praise God because for the past 4 weeks now, I have not felt myself.  And even though in the midst of not knowing, I was plagued with waiting, uncertainty, worry, doubt, and sometimes sleeplessness, as always, God was and still is with me.  Every corner that I turned I received warm smiles, prayer, encouragement, and understanding from God's people.

Do you know what it feels like to feel helpless?  It's frustrating.  And that's how I felt.

And at the same time, over and over again, I was reminded to believe truth.

God is with you.
God has a plan.

So, I waited.  I prayed. I was still…. knowing that God is God.  He is God.  He will never stop being God nor being good.

And I stand confident through it all that there is a reason that I've come home for such an extended period of time when I was just here.  I am sure that God will continue to reveal to me the "why" of it all, as all of my tests have come back normal.  (Oh, did I mention -- THANKS BE TO GOD!  All of the tests came back normal! He is the ultimate healer, miracle worker and answerer of prayer.  He is sovereign and He loves us!  And yes, the same would be true even had I received bad news.  But, I am extremely thankful for the good news this time.)

I can already see some reasons why He has me here.  Clearly it wasn't for medical help -- other than for my own peace of mind (and that of my family's and close friends) so that when I'm sick in the same way in the Dominican no one will freak out, so that I will pay more and more attention to my water intake, rest and eating habits -- again.  So that I'll have the right medicines...

God does definitely have a plan because…

...at the end of this trip, I will have spent 3 weeks with my parents.  I don't know when I have spent so much time with them since high school..

...I have enjoyed time with my god sisters and godfather who lost their mother and wife last May.  It is a natural conversation between us to talk about her and spend time loving each other during the first year of her being in Heaven...

...I got connected with idisciple through Family Christian Bookstore.  It is a great compilation of sermons, writings, and short devotionals that are linked to me based on my needs as a Christian.  Through them, I have had the opportunity to listen and be encouraged in God's Word by pastors like David Platt, Andy Stanley and Francis Chan...

...I've seen just how cool the body of Christ is if we work together.  The body of Christ, when working all for His glory is STRONG.  The body of Christ is invincible and can change things.  For me it doesn't make a whole lot of sense why I feel normal again.  I mean granted, I've done very little over the last 4 weeks, I've gotten to eat some great seafood and dark greens, and I've slept a lot, but I truly believe that I was doing well in all of those areas in the dominican (replace seafood with chicken and dark greens with other veggies), but I truly believe that all of the people who came together and prayed in the Dominican and here in the States influenced the outcome of "normal" test results and me feeling myself again.  And as an overflow, God gave me some time to rest and rejuvenate, and I will always thank Him for that...

… life goes on without me in the Dominican.  And truthfully, it warms my heart.  The Saturday Kids' club that I started was run last Saturday by some people that I had trained last month.  The GAP students that work at Emanuel House visited my Bible Study ladies, spoke truth to one who is still a non-believer, and encouraged the ladies with scripture.  The lady who works with me with my first graders has taken the reigns and is doing a great job teaching and disciplining.

A little over a month ago, I was sitting with my small group and we were talking about what it means to be convicted. I remember times when I've felt convicted, but to give a definition of the word just doesn't come so easily.  And Lynn, the lady who leads the study said, "It's like when God corrects you by pulling you in closer to Him. It's loving not condemning."

And whereas my prideful self can believe that I've done nothing wrong to make me sick -- and although that could be true -- I stand firm in believing that God is trying to teach me.

He loves me.  He wants me closer and closer to Him.  That's what He wants for all of us.

He doesn't want us to be distracted... by the future, by our plans, nor by our worries.  And if any part of us strays, He will do what He has to bring us closer to Him.

And this is not because He needs us.  It's because He loves us and He wants to be glorified in everything.

And sometimes -- while those distractions can be good things -- ministry, work, schedule, sports, friends, and even family -- God wants us -- undistracted.  He wants to be the center of our attention… so that we can glorify His name and so that His name can be glorified in every situation.

And then, pulling us closer, He reminds us...

He will make the relationships right.
He will help us get the work done.
He will help us have the time to fit in what He wants us to fit in.
He will help us with the sport.
God will if it is His will.  
God will at just the right time.  
God will because He wants to be glorified in it all.  

And over and over again, I'm convicted.  Convicted not to give up.  Convicted to continue on the right path.  Convicted to stay in His Word more and more and more.  Convicted that my life is not my life -- it's God's.  

I will head back to the Dominican early next week after having celebrated my mom's birthday, after one more visit to the doctor, and after having spoken at the wedding of one of my dear friends and Wesleyan alumni.  And while I still don't completely know why God wanted me to stop and "vacation in the States for three weeks" (as one doctor said when I was disappointed about the time I had to spend away from the D.R.), and while I may not fully understand His plan for quite a while, I praise Him for allowing me time to rest, rejuvenate, and ponder.

As you read this, I imagine that you haven't had my last month.  But, that's not the point.  This is not about me.  Someone reading this has felt weak, discouraged, taken away from their plan, disappointed, sad, overworked...

And in the midst of it, know that God is there!  And He is good!

Look and see where God has been good in your life.
Recognize that He has tried to show you things.  He may have even made you be still.
And dig into God's Word... Listen to It... Read It... and Seek Him.
Who knows? Maybe, just maybe He is trying to bring you just a little bit closer.

Prayer Requests:

• For my focus to be on nothing more than Him.  Filling my mind with His Word, serving His creation and having compassion and showing love for those who don't know Him yet.
• For two Emanuel house girls, Josefa and Josefina, whose mom died the day that I left to come here.  For God to comfort them, for them to come to faith, and for provision and love to be abundant.
• For the week that I return to Quisqueya and the time that I will spend with the Wesleyan girls team.  May they see not me but God.  May His Word, His light, and His love shine through me during our time.