Well, since the last time I wrote on here, a lot has
happened. I am beginning to get
accustomed to the culture here, have ridden the bus many times and have gone
grocery shopping enough to start to feel somewhat comfortable in my
environment. I feel very blessed
to be here in this place, where there is so much need (both physically and
spiritually). I pray every day
that God would give me a non-judging heart, that He would provide me with
patience, and that I would constantly be in His will.
Over the last week or two, I have been truly struggling with
what God wants to do with me here.
There are so many opportunities to help that I am overwhelmed by which
ministry is for me. As I still
adjust, I wonder how I can help these people without hurting them. I see so much brokenness that is way
bigger than me. I think as
Americans, we always see a “problem” and want to “fix” it. In the last two weeks, my eyes have been
opened to a lot of cultural differences, religious differences, brokenness in
family situations, lack of jobs and resources, and what comes across as
complacency, and I find myself and Americans that come here wanting to “fix” it all. I question my role in the lives of the
people here. I question how in the
world I can help. I question how
to even begin…
My heart breaks every time I go visit a home where the mom
has 10 children and cannot feed them because she has to stay home with them and
thus doesn’t have a job.
My heart breaks every time that I find out about another
father who abandoned his family to be with another woman and has nothing to do
with his children.
It breaks when I find out about all of the children who are
at Emanuel House who have never been to real school and cannot read or write,
who have no idea how to put a puzzle together or even how a book works because they aren't read to at home.
My heart breaks as I match pictures to names of kids who
need sponsors and I have two or three different spellings and different birthdates
that I know may never be confirmed because the kids don’t have birth
certificates and their parents are illiterate.
It truly breaks my heart to know that the deaf kids and the
special needs kids that now come to Emanuel House in general aren’t served in this country, are made fun of,
and are often thought of as being a consequence of some sin of their
parents.
My heart falls apart when I recognize that the lack of
education among the poor is one that has been and will continue to be a vicious
cycle not only in this country but in the US and others as well unless someone including those in power begins caring for the least of these.
My heart aches when I learn that everyday people are turned
away from God because of how believers portray what Christianity is about when
really, the non-believer should want JESUS because
we who love HIM, wear HIM so well.
I see brokenness not only in the needs of the people here,
but in the perception that outsiders have of Christians. My experiences here make me question
how people see us in the U.S. In
the US I’ve heard people call Christians hypocrites or people who are just like
everyone else. We should not
conform. We should be
different. We should be bold not
only in what we say we believe but in how we show God that we appreciate the
grace (free, undeserved forgiveness) that He has poured on us. Here I hear people see Christians as
being rigid and having too many rules.
In both places outsiders miss the point because of us.
In Matthew, Jesus clearly challenges those who said they
believed in Him when he constantly scolded the Pharisees and the Sadducees for
upholding "the Law" but missing the point.
They thought because they did the right thing that they were worthy,
when in reality, none of us are worthy.
They missed the point that we all need a savior and that God’s grace is
so undeserved. We are called to confess
with our mouths our sinfulness. We
are called to believe in our hearts that He is Lord. And, we are called to follow Him. Serve others. Love others in action and in deed. Stand out.
Be different. Show people that we possess God’s light within us. In fact, we are meant for our lights to
shine so bright that the outside world wouldn’t want to flee from us, but
instead that they would want what we have.
My heart breaks to think that maybe we are sharing the wrong message through our actions, through our speech and through the things we do not say and do.
And then, my heart is awakened when I go to church and
recognize that the people are singing to the same God that I love.
My heart rejoices when I translate the gospel and two kids
come to Christ and then eagerly visit with me for an hour to learn more about
the Bible and Jesus’ teachings.
My heart is free when I get to go to the beach for the first
time with kids from the orphanage.
I laugh as they splash in the water, find hermit crabs for the first
time, and are overwhelmed with the glimpse of Heaven that God gave us in
beaches and in little children enjoying it for the first time.
My heart is grateful that among the grief, rape,
abandonment, drugs, prostitution, pain, negativity and meanness that has
surrounded the girls before coming to Pasitos de Jesus Orphanage, they have found a genuine HOPE IN GOD… so much so that they
smile, love and play as children should do.
My heart leaps as I recognize that there are believers who
want to help those who cannot help themselves or who don’t know how to do so:
the Dominican church that donated enough milk for every family at Emanuel
House… the Americans who are helping build houses for those whose homes are in
incredibly bad conditions… the sponsors who give monthly to children who
otherwise would have no food...my supporters who write down my prayer requests and pray for the work that God is doing through me and the ministries here... the dominicans who work so hard to spread the Gospel to their people and teach them about God's love... the teachers who are so eager to learn how to help their kids and who truly want a better tomorrow for the kids in their country.
My heart is mended when I remember that God has "overcome
it is finished it is done,” and I remember that the Lord has already
defeated the brokenness of this world.
I remember that God does not call us fix things but instead to concentrate on Him, do His will, work for His kingdom and open our eyes to the glimpses of the kingdom that He gives us. And then, He calls us to be grateful.
I am so grateful for all of the people who have surrounded me, prayed for me, loved me... especially in my transition down here. I feel so loved!
Please pray in faith:
- that God would help guide me. There is much to be done,
- that the problem of not having clean drinking water here in Quisqueya for the average family would be taken care of soon,
- that people who want to work would have the opportunity to so that they can provide for their families,
- for the men here—the family structure is so broken. Christian men are needed to lead them to Christ and encourage them to raise the boys up in the right way,
- that I would continue to know names, feel comfortable sharing the Gospel when God prompts me, and that I would keep building relationships with those around me,
- that God would take care of all of the details of my closing on August 9th,
- for Mirqueya and her burden to serve the Lord and the kids here in her hometown
- for a water project that is looming over Emanuel House, that God's will be done and the kinks would be worked out.
In His Name!
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