I am merely human

Today has been great in the sense that I have been to church and had time to be alone and just talk to God, read, and spend time in prayer.  Not unbelievably, doing so has enabled me to really reflect on where God has me, how He is working, and how incredibly blessed I am to have Him in my life.

Yesterday, the class of 2013 graduated from Wesleyan.  It was the last graduation that I will be a part of at the school that I have taught at for the last 7 years.  The valedictorian (who I am convinced is one of the most intelligent kids to go to Wesleyan) spoke about the necessity for us to give up control to God.  I have become more and more aware in the last year about how much God is in control and how little control I have.  And yet, still I worry, I cry, I doubt, and I become impatient when I don't understand what God is doing or can't see the final outcome.

Have you looked up lately?  The weather here for the past week has been purely beautiful.  Blue skies,  rays shining through the clouds if there are any, and a perfect breeze.  On a walk after school last week, I looked up.  I realized that I don't marvel in God's creation enough.  And, I have a hard time grasping just how amazing the one true God is... to have created such a place where while it is not yet perfect, I can catch glimpses of God's ingenious, his creativity and His control.

I am reminded, both through his creation and in all of the details of my move, that I am merely human.  God has control over all future outcomes. And, I should be comforted by that reminder because at my core I understand that He is good and He loves me.

And yet, my mind regularly doubts God, I become impatient and I struggle to truly grasp just how in control He is.  This makes me think just a few months back when during worship and prayer night at my church, the pastor prayed that I would believe in the Lord's abundance.  And, it takes me to his sermon just earlier this morning about John 16:12-15 where Jesus tells the disciples that they can't handle all that He has to say.  They can't grasp all that He is.  Like the disciples, I struggle with being able to clearly see the Lord, interpret His words or do His will.  But thanks be to God that He sent the Holy Spirit to help guide us.  Sometimes I think I forget to ask the Holy Spirit to help me when I doubt, to remind me of His power, and to guide me when I can't see.

Lately, I have been reading 2 Kings which at times seems to drag on about kings who disobeyed God and thus, made Him angry.  At first look, I do think the book is largely about that and about how we as humans constantly disappoint God, but I also think it's also about what happens when we listen to God and that when we actually recognize that God is in control, we are able to see Him work in amazing ways.  For example, Elisha fought an army and was surrounded by heavenly hosts fighting alongside him (2 Kings 6:17).  He had to ask God to allow his servant to see the "horses and chariots of fire" that surrounded Elisha as they fought, as all that the servant could see was that their army was much smaller than their opponent's.  Elisha is great because he recognized his inability without God's help and thus constantly asks God for guidance. He not only reaps the benefits of God's help, but also recognizes it.

Reading 2 Kings also reminds me how man is sinful.  Over and over again, the kings relied on themselves, they were greedy and mean, and they looked to other gods for guidance.  Over and over again, because of their actions, they angered God.  Knowing that I am human and thus sinful, I am reminded of how I must anger God at times and of my need to constantly go to Him and ask the Holy Spirit to intervene on my behalf -- as my human nature doubts, is impatient, and is sinful.  In Psalm 9:20, David cries out to God to "strike them (maybe his enemies?) with terror...let the nations know they are but man."  How often do we doubt this?  How often do we think we are God?  That we have the power?  That we are in control?  How many times do we forget that we are merely human?  How often do we not fear Him?

How can I grasp that God is in control.  He set the moon and the stars in place.  He created me.  And He loves me, not because I did anything right, but because He is good.  He is sending me, not because I am good...  Not because I deserve it or am special, but because He is good.  He is in control and He wants to use me in that way.

May the Holy Spirit give me wisdom.  May I allow God to control my every step, my thoughts, and words.  When I am lacking in knowledge, strength or obedience, may I remember to ask the Holy Spirit for guidance. May the lord constantly remind me of His power, love and abundance.

Kids on the Courts

Well, just two days ago, my dear friend from Wesleyan, Mary Willson Schill, organized a tennis clinic to raise money for me as I head to the D.R.  31 elementary kids, 1st - 4th grade, came out to play tennis. Concentrating on backhand, forehand, serving and footwork, the kids seemed to truly enjoy themselves.  The best part to me was that the Varsity Tennis team, most of whom I taught at some point at Wesleyan, ran the stations. I feel so supported by Mary Willson, Shellie Salazar, and Dean Jackson (the tennis coaches) along with the tennis team and the greater Wesleyan community.

Pictures are coming soon...

God is Good!

Eternal Perspective

It's amazing to think that it's been 13 years since I took my first short term mission trip to the Dominican Republic with UGA.  (Pictured above is me at 20 years old with a group from UGAs Baptist Student Union  at a missionary couple's house in the north east part of DR.) It's also crazy to think that on that very day, God knew that He would call me to serve long term in the Dominican Republic. He knows everything.  All I have to do is have hope in His plans. 

Years later, I sit unsure of tomorrow, but in peace -- because I know that God's plan is perfect.  I struggle with worry and fear and the details.  I struggle with understanding how to have an eternal perspective when the world with which I live is questioning and finds what I am doing to be so foreign.  I struggle with spending my money, my time and my efforts on things that are not eternal but that will somehow pass away. 

And yet, God sees something in me to call me abroad for His purpose. Oh, how I wish for God's kingdom!  But, I am hopeful for what He has prepared for me to do not just in the next years of my life and oversees, but right here, today... in the midst of here and now. 

Lord, may I cling to the hope to which you have called me.  May I live with eternal perspective, forgetting the things of this world, still relating to its people, but desiring for others to see you through me. 

Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord,

the people he chose for his inheritance.

From heaven the Lord looks down and sees all mankind;

from his dwelling place he watches all who live on earth --

he who forms the hearts of all,

who considers everything they do.

No king is saved by the size of his army;

no warrior escapes by his great strength.

A horse is a vain hope for deliverance;

despite all its great strength it cannot save.

But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him,

on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,

to deliver them from death

and keep them alive in famine.

We wait in hope for the Lord;

he is our help and our shield.

In him our hearts rejoice,

for we trust in his holy name.

May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord,

even as we put our hope in you.

Psalm 33:12-22

Two months and counting?

Well, it's been a little while since I've written on here -- longer than I like.  I guess it's a testament to my busy-ness over the last month.  It's crazy to think that in a little over 2 months I will be living in the Dominican Republic full time.  There is still a lot to do before I leave, and I find myself in the thick of all of the details,  involving myself in lots of "bonding" activities, and trying to be fully present all at the same time.

My friend and I are reading through Hebrews 11 right now which basically is a list of a number of very famous people in the Bible who trusted God and had faith and did what He wanted with their life instead of taking the easy road and doing what made sense or what everyone around them did.

v. 7 "By faith Noah, when warned about things not yet seen, in holy fear built an ark to save his family.  By his faith he condemned the world and became heir of the righteousness that comes by faith."

Thinking about all of these people in the Bible who clung to the HOPE that God had instilled in them even though they COULDN'T SEE what the future would bring, and thinking about how as Christians we have one purpose in Christ - to share HIS love so that others are brought to HIM, fills me with excitement and courage that I can get through these details, that I can relax and enjoy my friends before I leave, and that God has a plan for me in the D.R. that awaits me.

v. 8 "By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going."

A few years ago, I remember being in one of my co-worker's offices sobbing because I found myself feeling lonely... not having COMMUNITY... and not feeling as though I was getting filled up with HIS WORD.  Of course, part of that was me. I needed to be in my Bible more and I needed a new church community.  I sought out a new church from where I could learn more about God, I sought out a support group of friends with whom I could go through life with and pray with, and reading the Bible became a necessary part of my day.  A few years later, I have the community that I always dreamed of, understand more the importance of being disciplined in the WORD, and am stronger in my FAITH and UNDERSTANDING of God's plan for my life...

And oddly enough, God is calling me away from it.  I realize that once we seek HIM as I have for the last few years, He will answer.  He found me a new home in the Dominican Republic.  I'm scared, I'm excited, and I'm ready for His new plan for my life.  Most of all though, I am hopeful that he will comfort me when I miss this comfortable place, my friends, my church, and everything else that I know here.

v. 6 "And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."

Now, in the midst of preparing to leave, I just had a girls retreat with the women in my family, taught my last Spanish class at Wesleyan and am preparing for my Everything Must Go Sale.

May the Lord give me a clear mind, energy to finish strong, and the same love for those with whom I come in contact as He has for me.  May I recognize the great LOVE that others have for me and may I seek Him and His will in all that I do and say, always reflecting Him.