feel like you just can't anymore?
like the world around you is spinning a bit out of control?
like the bad circumstances are hitting you?
One!
Two!
Three!
Do you ever...
doubt or just feel useless or undone?
wonder what you are doing?
ask what's the point?
question if you are making mistakes?
Do you ever...
fear what exactly God may be calling you to?
and then fear some more because right now you can't completely see it all?
or question the future and what that looks like for you?
or wonder what others will think about what He has called you to do?
Have you ever...
realized just how weak you are and how big the circumstances are around you?
recognized that you just aren't strong enough, brave enough, or bold enough?
Have you ever...
found yourself in storm after storm, problem after problem, and it seems like God won't even let you completely stand up straight before something else hits you?
Have you ever...
found yourself at your end, and you just want to give up?
I have.
I have many times.
And even though those storms may not seem quite as big and overwhelming after the fact, and the waves not so intimidating once they've crashed, if you focus on them they create anxiety, worry, fear, doubt, dependence on self, believing of lies, and the overwhelming feeling of being stuck.
And I know that I am not the only one who has felt this way.
Over the last month or so, I have messaged with, heard from, and listened to many who are feeling down for one reason or another.
"I am discouraged because of all of the brokenness that surrounds me and the prejudice, especially among the non-loving church people."
"I am doubtful that God really sees me."
"I don't trust that God knows what He is doing."
"I am scared about what may happen to my child."
"I am at my rope's end, desiring to give up and start over."
"I want to blame others for what God has allowed to happen to me / family member."
"I am angry."
"I am scared."
"I am resentful."
"I am fearful."
"I am unbelieving."
"I am done."
And then you remember that He gives us instructions.
(Psalm 46:10)
Be still and know that I am God
He can change your mind.
Romans 12:1-2
Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God -- this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- his good pleasing and perfect will.
And while the storms just keep on coming, you begin to practice being still. Even though there is so much happening around you, you try to listen... and then, slowly your mind begins to change.
and you decide to trust that:
just like God saw Hagar in her distress, He sees you. (Genesis 16)
all things work for the good of those who love Him according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)
that nothing can separate you from God's love. (Romans 8:38-39)
that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion. (Philippians 1:6)
that God will never leave you nor forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:6)
that just like with Moses, when you feel weary, God will provide people to help you. (Exodus 17)
that just like with Joshua, God calls you to be brave, depend on His strength, and know that He will never leave you. (Joshua 1:7)
that God did not give you a spirit of fear nor of timidity but one of power, love and self discipline.
(2 Timothy 1:7)
that you serve a God who loves you and who promises to take care of His own.
that if you listen to Him, you will have peace. (Proverbs 1:33)
You exhale.
And you begin to rest in His promises, remembering to fix your eyes on things eternal because this place is not your own. He reminds you that in the midst of the storms and brokenness, He is here, just like He was for the disciples in that boat and for the leader who felt like he couldn't. He reminds you to be content with whatever He has for you and that He is growing you in the midst of it. (2 Corinthians 12:10)
Romans 5:4
"We know that we glory in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance character and character hope."
And so, your mindset begins to shift....
You are grateful for the team of people who help you cut and laminate in your preparation for two teacher workshops on reading, fluency and frequent words.
You are able to see glimpses of hope in the middle of the storm when hurricane 1 and hurricane 2 are about to pass and you, your roommates, the school principle and and the family ministry team, decide to visit the people you love from the communities and pray with them for God's mercy, share with them about what may be to come, and advise them about safe places in their midst.
And your faith grows when you hear about people who have planned and worked together in the midst of not knowing what's to come. You see unity in a community where there is usually discord.
You can see God's mercy when the storm does not hurt your family, when people find their homes with little damage, and in spite of school being cancelled 5 days in the last 3 weeks, you still know just how good God is all the time -- no matter what!
You praise God for sparing you this time and you realize that His mercy is undeserved. He allows you to have space in your home to spend time and worship with some people whom you love and have been pouring into. And God even gives you some unexpected time to rest physically in the midst of it all.
You can feel God's presence when a family member is sick and God gives you peace... He just may bring reconciliation and hope in a way that you thought may never be possible. You realize that He does hear prayers and that His timing is absolutely perfect.
You are reminded regularly that we are meant to be uncomfortable, things in this world are just not quite right, and that this place is not your home. You are reminded to have an eternal perspective even though many things around you and around the world may be falling apart.
You are hopeful even when you find out that the one bridge that connects one of the communities to the rest of the town collapses, thus negatively impacting how kids get to school, how people get to work and making prices rise on that side of the river. You don't know who will fix it, when it will get fixed, nor if people who have the power to fix it care enough... You don't really know what to do, but you pray that in the midst of this circumstance, God will touch hearts.
And you are able to rejoice in hope for the future when a parent of a Makarios child and some kids and some other neighbors work together to build a temporary walkway across the river in a different place where the kids can get across to go to school. You see a tractor helping to make a bridge that is in a neighboring community better to travel on, and you see the city workers coming to remove debris left behind next to the fallen bridge after the storm. You remember God's promise that even though we will be uncomfortable in this world of imperfection and will struggle wanting everything to be fixed now, God is still in control and He is being patient until all who are going to accept His call answer (2 Peter 3:9).
You can recognize God's perfect plans as He leads you to a Makarios mom, distraught and without money to pay for her child's hospital bill, and God allows you and others to help her find her way back to the hospital. You are grateful that she sees that God is seeking her and even rejoices in what God has done. You realize just how close He is and that day in and day out pressing gently into these relationships does matter.
You can remember the call to be compassionate just like Jesus was with Martha and Mary as you pray with a friend and co-worker who has his motorcycle stolen from His home and just two days later finds out that his brother was in a bad accident.
You are able to listen sympathetically as a close friend shares frustrations of the indifference that the people who "have" show to those who "have not" and you pray for God to build up the local church body to be one that is accepting, loving and that shows the Gospel through actions, remembering that how we treat the least of these is a reflection of how we treat Jesus (Matthew 25).
And in it all, you are reminded that even though there are so many broken bridges around you, so many storms that are way bigger than you are, if you are still enough, listen carefully enough, and just focus a little bit more... He will start to change your mind. You will start to see and hear and feel Him again. Trust what He says. Wear those shoes of peace. And hold up high the shield of faith.
To Him be all the glory.
God is teaching me about...
faith. Even though I cannot fully see the future, He's teaching me not to be afraid to take a step. If you haven't read Armor of God by Priscilla Shirer, it's a great and challenging read!
I've had fun this past month...
- visiting my friends in the southern part of the country where I used to live.
- tasting some good roasted peanuts made by my friend in Chichigua.
- hiking a few times with new and old friends while enjoying nature.
- spending the night with some friends in Chichigua and then worshipping with them the next morning at church.
- spending time at the beach just enjoying God's creation, playing catch and sharing devotion.
- the upcoming months. I will have some visitors from my home church coming, I will be moving into a new apartment, and will hopefully get to start a regular routine visiting communities and doing Bible studies again since I'm now settling into the school routine.
You can pray for...
- the spiritual and emotional health of Makarios, its staff and missionaries, and its families.
- my family.
- for God to continue to surround me with people who love Him, and with opportunities to share His love with others in a bold yet gentle and unashamed way.
- me to keep my eyes fixed on His Word and unafraid to share it with those who don't believe.
- the Makarios Family Empowerment Ministry. We are in the beginning stages of making a pilot plan for an adult education program that we want to start this year.
- an upcoming workshop with Emanuel House in just a few weeks.
